The perks of being a wallflower
#4
It feels like I'm waiting for something good to happen and at the same time it's like I'm wasting time. I really don't know what's wrong with me. Some days I feel fine and some days I don't. It's like I planned out everything already in my head, on how to fix things in my life and I can't fucking do it. It's like I'm scared of some shit; not really scared but it's like I'm frozen. I don't know what the fuck it is. Maybe it's because I'm not happy or I don't have motivation. I'm so good with helping people with their life and giving advice but when it comes to me I'm stuck. I don't get myself at all. Shit. It is so fucking simple but yet so complicated. My parents bug me on certain shit and just don't understand that I'm trying. I wake up everyday feeling tired. And I try my hardest to catch up on my sleep and not stay up so late every night but I can't. It's like no matter how much sleep I get, I feel tired when I wake up and throughout the day. And during the day it's literally me distracting myself to stay happy. Not even happy but just okay. It's like I have no motivation to do anything and that's where it comes back to what I said... It's like I'm waiting for something to happen but what the fuck am I waiting for though. I know what I have to do. I know the little steps but it just feels like I can't do them. I have hope every now and then like "Yes I'm going to get my life together now". You know? Like I can do this but it just goes away and I'm back to the same mood.